The Season of Slow
Slow has taken on a new power in recent months. As much as I want to push forward, my body keeps screaming REST. I rest, and think it’s back to business. Nope, my body screams REST again. It’s rare that we listen to our bodies, but it is so necessary.
We go through seasons, and I’m in a season of slow. It’s a season rarely modeled by society. We can associate it with the sick. It’s completely counter to productivity and hustle culture. It is anything but the norm, hence we tend to judge it. We either think we’re being lazy, or we think others think we’re being lazy, or that there’s something wrong with us. But what if there was another perspective? What if we were actually living and working in a more sustainable way? What if society has it backwards?
What if slow was the new fast and how do we get to our “destination” with less resistance and more ease? Society sees slow as a failure, but what if the opposite was true? What if society was afraid of the benefits of slow? What if slow meant listening more to ourselves and less to what others think? What if there was less pressure to move fast, but everything happened faster—and smoother? What if we created more meaning and better results when we slowed down? We assume the opposite is true, but when have we ever granted ourselves another way of doing?
On a recent trip to Tuscany every evening we sat down in the loungers with a view of the hillside to catch up on our evening episode of “Castle TV.” Of course, there was no actual TV involved, rather we sat and enjoyed the lit castle across the way while staring at the stars. I don’t think I’ve ever seen so many stars in my life. We went slow enough to take it all in and notice the splendor around us.
When you learn to slow down you start noticing different things. It’s through the quiet that clarity comes.
Another day it was Spritz-o-clock and we were enjoying drinks and snacks by the pool. It could have been seen as a “lazy day” by the pool, when in fact it was more like a floating recharge. (Life is all how you frame it.) At one point we noticed the ants coming for our snacks. Before we knew it we cleared the plate and were watching “Ant TV” where the tiny ants started to carry off a pistachio. We didn’t think it was possible until we saw it with our own eyes. It was truly riveting.
The ants were small but mighty. They were a metaphor for teamwork and working together. We thought this feat would take all day, but really it happened quite fast. It was a reminder that sometimes we have to wait for the right circumstances (the humans clearing the plate), and then it’s time for action. The same happens when we grant ourselves the time to slow down.
There’s something in society that has trained us that we always need to be doing. But for what? To uphold capitalism, the patriarchy, and white supremacy? Or maybe because that’s how we were trained in school? Getting good grades wasn’t enough. We need to have all the right activities and extracurriculars to get into college. True, when we’re younger we have more energy, but when does anyone teach us about rest? Maybe adults should consider adding nap time into the agenda.
Rarely as humans do we seek out rest or work towards it proactively. Instead, it finds us. We might get sick, break something, or worse. We’re so bad at slowing down that the world has to slow us down. Why do we wait until we hit rock bottom to start to pay attention to the signs that we may need to slow down?
The thing about work is that so much of what we do is invisible labor. When something isn’t tangible it’s hard for us to see it as work. Hence we keep going and never stop. Our identities become conflated with the work we do, and our success is often how we may feel loved. We’ve been sold stories that we’re not enough to buy more and do more, when really we are born enough and worthy (particularly worthy of rest).
Slowing down is uncomfortable because it doesn’t match most of our lived experience. That doesn’t mean we shouldn’t do it. The discomfort is a sign we’re doing something right. Think of it as growing pains. It won’t last forever. It reminds me of the lobster that grows its new shell. (A tip from MYPer Camille!) Discomfort is how we grow. It’s a good thing. And if you had the choice would you rather choose the discomfort of slowing down, or the discomfort of something far more painful?
While we’re taught to do, we’re not taught to not do. It can be easier said than done. AKA rest can be hard. It may be uncomfortable. It may feel like something’s wrong with you, or you’re “broken”–I’m sorry to break it to you, you’re just human.
Our bodies are resilient beings, and can heal from so many things, but in order to heal, they need rest and recovery. In a world of instant gratification it can be hard to slow down when we don’t see the immediate benefit. Coming out of a big deadline we can think that we need a weekend to recover, but we may need more time.
You have full permission to take as much time as you need. (Thanks to my therapist for that regular reminder.) Yes, there is life and responsibilities, and dropping everything is a privilege. Rest does not have to be all or nothing. It may be slowing integrating more downtime or time to think. Don’t get caught up comparing yourselves to others or worrying about where you think you should be. Be present. Be in the now. Be on your own journey. It’s OK to take things one day at a time.
There is also emotional labor. And the energy it takes to switch gears between different projects. Every little micro-interaction takes something out of us. No wonder our bandwidth is depleted, and this is before anything goes wrong, or a curveball/plot twist comes our way. Why don’t we ever build in time for life to happen? We pretend we’re so good at what we do that nothing will go wrong. If we’d just learn to build in buffer and cushion from the start, we’d already be better off.
Before the pandemic, I had started to see my need to work differently. My inner introvert needed time to recharge. I’d limit the number of social interactions and meetings I had every day. Funnily enough the less I did so many people continued to tell me, “you do so much.” There was a point when this statement gave me an inferiority complex. I felt like an imposter for working less than society told me I should work. Then I realized my best achievements were very much linked to slowing down. I opened space and gave my brain time to think.
There is another way even if everyone else says this is how you “should” do something.
The pandemic slowed us down even more helping us see what is really necessary, essential, and brings us joy in life despite hardship. It was a lesson that stuck with me. For others, they have defaulted back to full schedules and zero downtime.
I thought I was going slow enough and resting the more I learned to listen to my body, but then in June 2022 I got Covid and learned that I could go even slower and surrender even more. While my case wasn’t extreme, it wasn’t particularly fun either. And then the fatigue lingered. I learned I could no longer control the world around me. Instead, I let go even more and finally granted myself permission to rest as much as I needed (I said that theme that comes up a lot in therapy!), and not have to do or be productive in this season.
My read on the world right now is that everyone is overwhelmed, fried, burned out, and in something deeper than they realize and can’t fully process it until they start to come out of it. Know if you feel this way you’re not alone and it’s OK to rest. Our societal programming (or even comments by friends or loved ones) may make us think we need to power through and just “get through it.” We’re constantly looking to the next thing. There’s an internet meme that is a sign that says something to the effect that adulting is saying things will calm down after this week on repeat.
I want this to be my personal invitation to you to rest if that’s what you’re feeling pulled to.
You also don’t have to go back to full blast and old ways of working after a pause. It’s OK to break the pattern. It’s OK to question the way things have always been done and ask if how things are done really supports you.
It reminds me the “comeback plan” MYPer Larissa was working through after getting long Covid. She started exercise for 5 minutes a day to build up over time. While she could have and wanted to keep going, the real challenge in the beginning was stopping at 5 minutes. It’s counter-intuitive to everything we are taught, but it was the best path to long-term strong. Following her journey inspired me to rethink how I want to re-enter the world from this season of slow.
I’m here to question everything. It’s my invitation to you to question your relationship with slow. What stories have you engrained and been taught to believe? What stories of slow do you want to take forward?
The secret to going slow is overwriting old stories about being slow. It is not being lazy, you are not behind, you are not bad at something. You are taking and trusting your own time. That is the power of slow. Slow is rebellion against the systems that move us faster than we need, and that pressure us into doing more. What if less really was more, and slow was the new fast?
There’s magic in the slow.
Even the way I drafted this post is slow. I wrote it on a train (albeit high speed). And I returned to add to it a few days later. No rush. Letting it percolate. Along the way I took in the views, observed the world, had connections with others. It was a very human (and humane) process. We talk about slow travel, but perhaps we can make slow work the next big trend. Just because things have always been done a certain way doesn’t mean they have to continue that way…
Mapping Your Path into 2023 is my 3-month workshop and community designed to get you thinking intentionally about how you want to show up for the new year (and beyond) through creative mapping exercises and connection to a warm-hearted global community. It’s not about doing more; it may even involve slowing down. It’s about having fun, enjoying the journey, and taking the time to reflect while mapping a path forward that excites you. Come unlock the magic within you!
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