What does community mean to you?

We go through life having built-in communities. Namely school. There are also clubs, performance ensembles and sports, and even groups for parents. But as we get older, and move onto different chapters of our lives, community becomes less obvious.

Life changes. People move, start new jobs, take up new hobbies, or welcome new humans (or pets) into the world, and things change. We grow too so the communities that once served us may not play the same supporting role they once did.

The internet can make us all feel so connected at times, but it also can throw us a giant dose of FOMO.

Over the years I’ve found community in different ways.

As an adult my first professional internship came with built-in friends. It turns out working for a theater comes with its own sense of community and appreciation for the arts.

A double dose of grad school provided me with a connection to others. Most of the time it was being in the classroom together that made me feel part of something, but it also extended beyond the walls—and graduation—in many cases too.

Navigating community in a different culture and country came with its own hurdles. In France, it’s been much easier to find community with fellow Americans, and took much longer to break into the French circles. It’s funny to think you become friends with someone just because you’re born in the same country, but also, sometimes you need people who can relate to the journey you’re navigating.

During my schooling it always felt like the extroverted “natural” leaders—the ones most likely to run for class president—were the ones who started something new. Perhaps it was my inner “Quiet One” who never considered for a long time that I could create something of my own. But really I think it was the fact that I’d never seen anyone create something that didn’t look like something that already existed. I also didn’t see anyone like me doing it.

Luckily with age you start to realize that there are other ways of doing things, and quite frankly the way things always have been done is by no means the best way, or only way. (Hello, designed systems of oppression.)

I could see potential but little openness to listening or considering other ways of doing things. For a long time I thought maybe that’s how life is, but with time frustration built and I realized there had to be another way. It took awhile, but WHAT IF my design mind could help pull from all my favorite experiences—and frustrations—to create a community I wish I existed?

Of course, this is not how the question was formulated at the time, but this is what I’ve come to realize I was doing. I’d had enough with the status quo and more of the same and complaining about it. It was time to do something about it.

Here’s what I learned in the process:

1. Start small.
   My first iterations of community were through 1:1 Skype calls (yep, we’re talking pre-Zoom days). These regular calls with freelance friends who also had their own businesses started to be dubbed “Freelance Therapy” as we realized we were not the only ones feeling certain frustrations (hello, no one taught us the nuance of clients and real-world working in school), and really needed the support from each other. The unexpected bonus: Collaborations were born out of these conversations.
   

2. You don’t have to do it alone.
   The next iteration of “Freelance Therapy” became a Mastermind group. I wish I had come up with the idea, but by some stroke of luck another Parisian blogger I knew more through her online presence than her as a person, reached out to see if I would be game to be part of a “Mastermind group” and sent me a few links.
   
   The original idea she had was to invite some people from Australia, but knowing I already had the support on calls from step #1, I spoke up and said that I’d prefer to have a group in Paris. I got to put my natural dot connector skills to work, along with the nature of her go get her personality meant we were up and running in no time.
   
   Sometimes we can feel like we can’t do something alone as a way to make excuses and delay what we really want. Other times it’s that other person who is the catalyst to start something great. While the group has shifted over time, the group continues to be an anchor and arc of perspective to witness the growth of ourselves and each other.
   

3. Create the vessel
   It’s really easy to look to pre-existing forms and formats for community and go into copy & paste mode. While it’s nice to see what’s possible, depending on the community you’re trying to create, a different form is needed. (As Priya Parker asks in The Art of Gathering—what is the purpose?).
   
   What makes so many communities special is the invisible “work” behind it. It’s what brings the “vessel” alive. It’s hope people are welcomed and what makes them feel included. I’ve found the best communities often have the simplest structures.
   

4. Same, same but different.
   We tend to go through life in a bubble. Sometimes community is there for comfort and to find others who think like us. Other times a community can be helpful to challenge ideas and provide a different perspective. It depends what you’re looking for.
   
   When starting the Mastermind group I knew there’d be a richness from having people from different industries (and cultures). It made it a safe environment where we could learn from each other and it wasn’t competitive.
   
   When I launched Mapping Your Path I didn’t know who exactly it would attract at first. I’ve come to love that there’s a 30-year age space from mid-career to early retirement, where everyone is navigating their own chapter of life while bringing their own life experiences and perspective to the group. It’s refreshing to know we can all learn from each other regardless of our age and stage in life. Every community can have a different dynamic depending on what you’re looking for.
   

5. Community will evolve.
   While the Mastermind group is still going 6+ years later, the other founding member stepped away a couple years ago. There were no hard feelings, but more an understanding that she needed something different in the season she was in. It’s important—and essential—to acknowledge these shifts, because otherwise it becomes the elephant in the room and the shift in energy doesn’t help anyone.
   

6. You may not realize you need community until you have it.
   Many of us grow up seeing independence as a sense of pride and a badge of honor. Asking for help is a last-ditch effort, when really it should be the first step. Community is a beautiful way for us to grow and feel supported. You may not realize you’re missing it until you find one where you thrive and brings you alive. I witness this every day in the MYP community—when we can get out of our heads and have the right people to listen, the possibilities are endless.
   

7. Create the community you wish existed.
   Instead of waiting until we found the right community, WHAT IF we played a role in creating what we wished for in the world? When I first created Mapping Your Path, my 3-mo workshop and guided community, I didn’t realize that’s what I was doing. Now it’s my favorite place on the internet and I’m eternally grateful for this group of wonderful, warm-hearted humans who make it what it is.
   

8. We are wired for connection.
   Whether you find a community or create your own, keep in mind that we’re wired for connection. Community can be a place where you can find support and cheerleading in ways that you didn’t know you needed. It’s a way to feel connected to something bigger than ourselves.
   
   When you keep an open mind, and listen to others, there is so much we can learn from each other. Community is a beautiful way to do it.
   

9. Magic happens in community.
   Magic doesn’t happen in a solitary bubble. It happens when we’re in community. Whether it’s using others as a sounding board or to listen and celebrate your wins, community has the power to unlock doors you didn’t even know existed.
   

People often join Mapping Your Path and it’s not what they expect—but in a good way. The way I see it I’ve created a structure and a container to allow the community to rise together. Conversations and exchanges go deep fast and beyond the obvious topics. It’s a safe space to be yourself, tell your truth, and connect with others—when we allow that, it’s where the magic happens.

I created a place where I wanted to hang out. It’s better than I could have imagined.

I’m curious. What does community mean to you? Leave a comment and let me know.

The May-July 3-mo Mapping Your Path Accountability Booster group is currently open for enrollment. MYP is an unparalleled community to provide you as you navigate your path forward. The community opens May 9th, and our kick-off workshop is May 13th when enrollment closes. I’m also co-hosting Mapping Your Path Tuscany with Travel Parallel June 27-July 2, 2022 if you’re looking for community IRL.